nowadays before i write i

nowadays before i write i think
wasn’t always the case
it was clear as day when it all poured out of me
all i had to do was take my two fingers and shove them down my throat
what would come up, would come up

nowadays i
i don’t know
i did not know back then too but nowadays i don’t
and i feel no way about it
i really feel no way about any of it
i really feel no way
i really feel no
i really feel indifference towards any difference i experience
severance? already severed
severance? already paid
severance? already been paid